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Test your assumptions A fear of rejection daye often led me to pre-empt whether a date will or will not lean in for a kiss, ask me out again, or text the next day.

Convinced I could read minds, Bind dutifully cut off a date or a conversation just in time to avoid being rebuffed. Borapday tell myself that if it worked a certain way in the past, it was sure to happen like that again. To shake up this habitual guessing game during the experiment, I started sending out a multiple-choice quiz at the conclusion of each Bliind to find out for sure. While each date knew I was "experimenting" with dating, boralady were taken aback by my blunt request to know if they wanted boralda Others adte it refreshing, and I found it yielded surprising jn. Following one particular date with an awkward beginning, excellent middle and confusing end, I was certain Dxte wouldn't receive so much as a response to my survey.

To my surprise, boraday was Blind date in boralday by the forthright message, keen to meet again, and pleased to have the opportunity to explain his awkwardness at the end of the date. I learnt that my premonitions were sometimes wrong; I also learnt not to fear rejection. The answer might sting, but it could also delight. You don't know what someone else is thinking, nor whether that uncertain pause is a sign of impending rejection or simply shyness. Rejection isn't personal The most terrifying part of rejection isn't so much the act itself, but how we let it define us. We can take someone declining a second date and turn it into evidence for a major flaw in our character.

But just because one person rejects you doesn't mean that you are destined to be rejected by the remainder of the human species. In fact, it rarely has anything to do with you. I began to realise that everyone has different things going on in their lives at any one moment, and their own dating habits are shaping their experiences. This freed me up to relax more, because I knew a person's behaviour on the night we met had little to do with me. There's an undetectable, uncontrollable thing that brings two people together - some call it a spark - and a lack of it doesn't mean you lack remarkable qualities of your own.

Remember what you want More often than not, we can admit that we knew the "spark" wasn't there to begin with when we've been rejected. I had made a habit on previous dates of waiting to determine my own feelings only after I knew somebody else's - their admiration providing the validation to slip into a quasi-relationship. But it was always based on someone else's wants.

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A person is more than just an awkward greeting at the start of a date, or a profile on Tinder. If we resist superimposing character traits onto someone based on a few seconds of interaction, we might have the chance to see who they really are. Appreciate friendship The way society puts romantic love on a pedestal makes the love of friends, family and community seem second-rate in comparison. When we date with the expectation of finding the one great romance with the fairy-tale ending, we tend not to bother with anything "less", despite the potential for it to be equally enriching.

A bonus in this experiment was developing great friendships that might have been overlooked if the goal had been solely to find love, rather than to overhaul bad habits. Approaching dating with curiosity instead of a fixed goal enabled me to see new possibilities. In her new book Becoming Wise, Krista Tippett puts it this way: Recognise your safety nets Part way through the experiment, I found the dates were becoming monotonous. What is most intricate is the kind o Jan 22, Are you among the ones who are still searching for the life partner through multiple online dating sites? Mar 26, Just finished the first date and thinking about how to ask for a second date?

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